New York City to single people: STAY THAT WAY

So here I am, Friday night, New York City. Writing on my blog.

What's that you say? That sounds sad and pathetic? I've been indoctrinated by society/religion/peers/parents to think that's sad and pathetic?

OK skip that, that's an essay for another time.

No, what I'm here to talk about tonight is the bizarre nature of being a single man in arguably the biggest city in the world. Namely, that there are very few options for one such as me. Many people still have the romantic or naive notion that on a weekend night, a fella can just mosey on over to a pub and strike up conversations with any number of people, not the least of which attractive females. This, friends, is very much not the case.

I'm not entirely sure whether this stigma against guys going out by themselves is widespread or particular to urban areas. It is very possible that in Small Town, USA ol' Frank can go down to The Tavern and hang about unjudged. But here, in this city filled with a multitude of types, it is just not possible.

Nevermind my personal theories about how women respond to a person like me (read: geek). I firmly believe I could be like Brad Pitt and only do marginally better. Simply because people in places of social gatherings follow a golden rule: safety in numbers. Hardly ever will you see a person in a bar or club on their own. If they are, it usually means their friends just left or haven't arrived yet. Yes, there is the possiblity of a singular person drinking at the bar being either an alcoholic or otherwise brooding, but these people usually stick to certain areas and bars. Go to any thriving social hotspot, and the phrase "table for one" is nonexistent.

It can be very easy to walk around New York during the day and believe yourself to be on equal footing with most other people there, but this is an illusion. Come dusk, most everyone in the city splits into groups, literal and figurative. You have your wall street agents, your corporate drones, your (working) actors and celebrities, musicians, models, college students, hipsters, Central Park West-ers, Lower East Side-ers, etc. etc. And if you don't really belong to any of those groups, you fall into the catch-all "other" group, the ones who are trying to make it in this big ol' city. And that's okay...but it means you absolutely need to play the safety in numbers game too.

What do I mean by "safety in numbers"? Well quite literally, I mean going to a bar or club with 1 to 30 other people. Metaphorically, I'm referring to the fact that people in this city (and most likely in other urban areas) are always on their guard about meeting and talking to strangers. As well they should be...this is, after all, a city where anyone can come up to you at any time and speak to you like they're your friend (quite literally...there is a reason panhandlers overuse the term "buddy"). And you have no way of knowing whether these people are merely despondent and disturbed or crazy and armed. Naturally, women are doubly on their guard...they already have their defenses up against men in general, now they have to deal with men who may actually be axe-murderers. I'm slightly exaggerating, of course, but I'm positive the thought is not very far from any single womans mind.

Recently my roommate and I went to a very nice club in the Meatpacking District, and it was a wholly depressing experience. We went with a friend of his, but since I hardly knew them I split off from them during the night and tried to talk to girls by myself. It would have been one thing to have struck up conversations and struck out, but I could barely say 3 words to anyone without getting an instant look of disapproval before the girl turned her attention elsewhere. Now there are probably many factors to this, including appearance, mannerisms, and the like. But I got the distinct impression that there were shield walls around these women, and I believe those walls stayed up due to the fact that I was seemingly all by myself.

You know something's wrong when there are tons of singles events advertised everywhere you look. You know something is REALLY wrong when those events are geared more towards women. If you're a guy, it's assumed either you have a girlfriend or you've at least got something in the works. If you're single and obviously so, you're branded a loser...so why would any girl want to talk to a loser? The safety in numbers masks the fact that you are single...you could just be hanging out with your friends, you could have a girlfriend elsewhere...a number of possiblities. If you're sitting at a table drinking alone, you're busted.

Obviously my theory requires a bit more experience to prove it. Which I am to get. Tomorrow night, come hell or high water, I am going to a bar (perhaps a few) and seeing what happens. It is a remote possiblity that one or a couple friends of mine might join me, but it is highly unlikely. Thus I will be alone, and obviously so. I plan on going to the East Village/Lower East Side area, a part of town where I've (holy shit!) struck up actual CONVERSATIONS with women whom I've never met. Depending on what happens, I'll post the results here tomorrow night.

People have long referred to dating/being single/relationships as a game. And it's true, it is a game. But here, in the city, that's true no longer. This is a fucking WAR. Guess that means it's time to man up.